Will you blow on my dice?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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