as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
