My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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