If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
