So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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