Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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