So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize