On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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