Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
