'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
