Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
