this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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