I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
