I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
