If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
