I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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