Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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