you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
