someone owes me an orgasm
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed