so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
