saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
