My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize