Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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