Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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