It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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