She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
