I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
