# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
