If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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