He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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