If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
