____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This baby is an asshole
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize