Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize