Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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