He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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