Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
