What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
