you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
