I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
