My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
