i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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