Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
