Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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