he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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