Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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