don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
