508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Good thing I've started drinking again