I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.