Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
