she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
