i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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