God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
