Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
