I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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