I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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