Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
