my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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