sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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