I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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