Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
