i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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