Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
