I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
