the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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