I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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