I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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