Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
