Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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