He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
